This may sound like a rather shocking statement, but in recent weeks I’ve become particularly conscious of the fact that I’m not perfect. More to the point, I’m a rather long long way from perfect. Sounds positively laughable when I actually write it down. It’s lead to the occasional moment of semi-despair, however I have a funny feeling it’s all been part of how the Spirit has wanted to speak to me this Lent. It’s been a necessary realisation to go deeper in my experience of His Divine Mercy.
There’s four particular ‘means’ by which I sense the Spirit has been trying to raise my consciousness about this…and just maybe it’ll be worth sharing with you guys, fellow Bfers…
1. The Word of God of course, the Sunday gospels, and the accompanying meditations that I receive by email each day. Here’s an extract that really hit home for me from the meditation on the gospel of the adulterous woman brought before Jesus by the Pharisiens: “Experiencing our weaknesses is necessary before we’ll be capable of accepting God’s mercy. The more we come to know our profound weakness, the more profound will be our experience of God’s mercy. There is no experience sweeter, or any deeper joy, than the absolution, the reconciliation by Christ the Redeemer – “I don’t condemn you.” Our deepest egoistic fears disappear and we realise that in fact we’ve been haunted by the ghosts of our own pride and vanity. Let us awake to the reality of God’s mercy…”
2. The 1980 encyclical by JPII Dives in Misericordia (On the Mercy of God) – well worth a read during Lent! – “Believing in the crucified Son means…believing that love is present in the world and that this love is more powerful than any kind of evil in which individuals, humanity, or the world are involved. Believing in love means believing in mercy. For mercy is an indispensable dimension of love; it is as if it were love’s second name, and at the same time, the specific manner in which love is revealed and effected vis-a-vis the reality of the evil that is in the world, affecting and besieging man, insinuating itself even into his heart and capable of causing him to ‘perish in Gehenna’.” I felt quite a strong link between this statement and…
3. The Holy Father’s recent letter to the Catholic Church in Ireland – some might accuse me of just simply being a ‘loyalist’ to the Holy Father, but I’ve certainly sat wondering where on earth a genuine response from the Church could possibly begin with such a tragedy as the clergy abuses. Indeed there may be criticisms to his letter that I myself cannot identify, but for the moment, I have to say I’ve been deeply moved by his message. I feel it be truly a response planted in a profound sense of the link between justice and love – i.e. mercy, as Dives in Misericordia explains. It’s a message of a loving shepherd to his flock, painful but honest, painful and therefore sanctifying, and it implicates every one of us who profess to believe in one holy catholic and apostolic church. At a crisis moment, in sincere humility, he has implored the flock entrusted to him to reflect very deeply and very honestly, in the spirit of mercy as “love vis-a-vis such tragic human failing”. In a moment where both sinner and victim could easily be lead to despair , I feel his letter is an extraordinary witness to Hope grounded in realism.
4. And the final means by which I’ve become so acutely conscious of God’s mercy and my need of it has been much closer to home. Things can get pretty stressful at work, not to mention the frequent language barrier, vast cultural differences, living with your colleagues and frustrating everyday realities. It’s far too easy to fall into the traps of slander, intolerance, resentment and barrier-building as ‘survival tactics’. More so, everyone talks…about everyone. And it’s precisely at this axis that I’ve realised the power of my words – to harm, to heal, to build up and to tear down – this is possibly the most crucial litmus test of my Christian witness. Is my witness, in the last count, genuine and sincere, or merely superficial practice? It’s a relief to realise that I’m not perfect – and that neither are any of my colleagues – indeed, there’s a certain relief in being unqualified to “throw the first stone”. Look long enough and hard enough and you’ll find plenty to drive you bonkers about each other. The only response therefore is one of mercy, of compassion and ultimately of love.
The times when my good intentions or my inability to express myself adequately have been misconstrued have been quite painful. But more painful have been then moments when I know for sure that I’ve just plain ol’ lost my charity, that my heart has been hardened and I’ve let it show – and in that moment I find myself desperate for others to be merciful with me. I’m realising the powerful witness this can be when you really, honestly and humbly seek to settle your differences with another. Personality clashes and conflicts are a natural part of human functioning, most noticeably in a work context…and I’d be hiding behind my own egoism and pride if I think I’ll sail beyond such things – indeed, I’d be quite a Pharisee to think so. Thus it’s precisely at these uncomfortable, ego-slashing moments that our witness to Christ’s healing mercy and love becomes truly authentic and transparent. I’m more and more convinced that it is how we handle these sorts of sticky spots that speak most loudly of the sincerity of our faith in Christ and his mercy.
I just pray for the wisdom to recognise those ‘sticky’ opportunities of grace…kick out my egoism Lord, that I’ll be humble enough to see others through the eyes of Christ, to be merciful and accept the mercy of others as reflections of your infinite mercy.








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