Brethren implicated in new political scandal

NZ Ox Press Association – 22^nd November 2006:

A new twist has come to light in the political saga that began when members of the Exclusive Brethren church distributed thousands of leaflets leading up to the 2005 general election in New Zealand.

The Prime minister, Ms Helen Clark, has today revealed that the Labour party has new evidence which links the Exclusive Brethren to the corruption scandal at ENRON, the stock market crash of 1987 and the constant road works in Auckland City.

“It is truly alarming that this sinister religious sect has been able to carry out such underhanded and immoral activities for so long” said Ms Clark earlier today.

“We have definite evidence to show that the Exclusive Brethren have been interfering in world politics and economics for a very, very long time. We even have evidence which suggests that they orchestrated and carried out the assassination of former US president John F. Kennedy in Dallas in 1963.”

When asked about the connection between Auckland’s road works and the Brethren, the Prime Minister stated that there are uncanny similarities between the fact that the Brethren women wear headscarves and that many of the Auckland road workers also observe the very same practise.

“It’s so obvious! This sect has been disrupting Auckland traffic for years as part of their master plan for economic and political interference, and it is now only finally coming to light” said Ms Clark.

At a press conference late this afternoon, Labour Finance Minister; Dr Michael Cullen furthered the claims made by the Prime Minister by announcing that the National party have been actively supportive of the activities of the Exclusive Brethren for many years.

“The National party is Donkey deep in the activities of the Brethren, and they have been for quite some time” said Dr Cullen.

“We have reliable evidence that the Exclusive Brethren first made contact with the National party sometime in 1836 – that’s almost 200 years earlier than the party publicly claims that they first met the Brethren.”

Dr Cullen also claimed that Labour had evidence that linked the National party with Chairman Mao, Stalin and Emperor Diocletian.

“It was absolutely despicable of the Exclusive Brethren to exercise their legal democratic right to produce pamphlets promoting a political cause that doesn’t support Labour” said Dr Cullen.

When asked if he felt Labour was overreacting with its latest claims about the Exclusive Brethren, Dr Cullen retorted “would it be overreacting if I showed you a document which shows that the Exclusive Brethren are the real cause of global warming?’

Neither the Exclusive Brethren, nor the National party, are making any public comment about the latest allegations.

Green MP ponders latest poll

NZOPA – 23^rd November 2006

Green MP Sue Bradford issued a press release today stating that she was pondering exactly what the latest poll about her anti-smacking bill was really indicating.

“It’s quite strange actually, because it’s always hard to know exactly what the public of New Zealand are thinking about an issue” said Ms Bradford earlier today.

“I mean, this is only the eighth public poll since June 2005 that has shown that more than 80% of New Zealanders don’t support my anti-smacking bill; I mean what does it really all mean?”

When asked whether public opinion would influence the direction of her activities as an elected representative of the New Zealand people Ms Bradford stated that it “wouldn’t have any influence whatsoever”.

“It’s a very dangerous and slippery slope when a country’s politicians start allowing the public to have a say in the legislation and policy directions being taken by their government”

“I have integrity, and the courage of my convictions, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to have my hand forced by pressure groups like the general public” said Ms Bradford.