Courtship is a word that has seemingly lost much of its meaning in the modern world. It used to conjure up thoughts of being chivalrous, proper, and wonderfully exciting. It required the building of strong values and maturity. It was the pursuit and consideration of someone for a lifelong relationship. But, no longer is the case today.

In the modern, more advanced world, there are many far ‘better’ options than the traditional courtship. Easily the most appealing option, at least in New Zealand seemingly, is the one requiring the least commitment for the most ‘benefit’, the ‘partnership’. The, ‘lets live like a married couple, but still live without the unneeded commitment of marriage and all the ‘burdens’ that come alone with it, especially children’ style of relationship.

As someone about to be married in the coming months, I have seen the joys and difficulties of almost five years of courtship. I would not trade a single moment of it. While five years of courtship may seem long to some, it was exactly right for us, especially throwing in the long distance as well. It was a time to learn about each other, to learn what love means once the infatuation has worn off somewhat (note: I am still completely head over heels for her, utterly over the moon in love and still get butterflies in my stomach every time going to see her), and it was a good amount of time for us to logically consider what marriage would mean for us and if we wanted to go down that path together. She is now my best friend, my soulmate, and very soon, will be my partner ’till death do us part’. I can say, in large part due to our courtship and boundaries set up therein, that I have no doubt in making the right choice. I often think, how would our relationship be different if either of us did not have the commitment to live this time of courtship well?

Now, what happens when ‘courtship’ loses it flavour with the young generation? Cohabitation. From Michael Gerson at the Washington Post:

‘In the absence of a courtship narrative, young people have evolved a casual, ad hoc version of their own: cohabitation. From 1960 to 2007, the number of Americans cohabiting increased fourteenfold. For some, it is a test-drive for marriage. For others, it is an easier, low-commitment alternative to marriage. About 40 percent of children will now spend some of their childhood in a cohabiting union.’

I seem to recall starting in 1960 something else happening as well – sexual promiscuity exploding out of control. Interesting timing.

Gerson goes on to aptly put:

‘Relationships defined by lower levels of commitment are, not unexpectedly, more likely to break up. Three-quarters of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents split up by the time they turn 16, compared with about one-third of children born to married parents.’

So, what does this mean for the future generations of young 20 somethings? What example has been set for them and how will this play out in their lives? Will the average age of marriage keep getting older? Will marriage rates continue to plummet? Or have we reached the bottom of the pit, and as most things throughout history, we will see a swing back towards traditional marriage and family values? To these questions, I am not sure of the answer. But, if I am a betting man (some may have you believe this…), I say we have not seen anything yet.

Read the article, it is well worth it. The main thing I would disagree with is the statement, ‘cohabitation by engaged couples seems to have no adverse effect on eventual marriage.’ I would say no matter when it occurs, cohabitation is a sign of future trouble within marriage. Especially if you are striving to live a Christian life, it is selfish and incompatible with the building of virtue and living sacrificially for your (future) spouse.

Thoughts anyone?