I was reflecting recently on a year long experience of living in community that I had a while back and asking myself what I had really learnt about community life…

- You can’t hide your real self. Well, you could try, but it doesn’t last easily. Much of our daily lives when we work, even when we play, we keep a lot of masks on. We want people to think we’re this, and we don’t want people to think that we think they’re that. Community life, as opposed to just co-habitation, inevitably requires you to let others see you as you really are. Warts and all. You may jump mountains in your work life, but when you don’t get your chores done and others have to live with it, or you leave the kitchen in a bombsite, your cred rating really goes down!

- Not everyone will be your best friend, but you’re called to love each other regardless. And you don’t necessarily want to live with your best friend! There’s certain personality types, like mine, who think it’s almost illegal if you find it hard to get along with someone. “But I need to be one of those people that can kick it with anyone…what’s wrong with me?” You realize, sometimes painfully, that God really has wired us differently – and that that really is beautiful! And more than that, we’re challenged to actually engage with that other beyond just the surface level.

- Be available – and not just in time. It’s taken me a while to learn that just cause you’re in the house, doesn’t make you fully there. At the end of the day, is there anything left to actually care and engage with the rest of the community? If someone really needed your shoulder to lean on, would they feel like you would joyfully provide it? Or has the day totally sucked you of any motivation and all you want to do is find a little mental cave to hide away?

I’m sure there’s lots of other lessons I’ve learnt, but these are some of the most prominent in my mind. Community living is such a great challenge to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.