Did you see this article that sneaked into the news on Sunday? http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/8690398/Catholic-Church-powerless-in-face-of-extreme-fringe

An interesting read – the Catholic Bishops Conference has asked the "Catholic Action Group" to stop using 'Catholic' in their title beacuse they are acting outside of the authority of the Church. The head of the CAG (Arthur Skinner) has said that he won't be listening to the Bishops because they should resign as they have abandoned the teaching of the Catholic Church. Like I said, interesting…

The stoush seems to have come about over the emails that Mr Skinner sent to MPs on the eve of the Marriage Amendment vote. Mr Skinner's emails told MPs that homosexuality was "an abomination crying out to Heaven for vengeance" and that if they voted for the bill they would find themselves "on the road to hell for all eternity".

I'm left wondering what Mr Skinner hoped to achieve with these emails. Was he thinking that upon receiving these emails the MPs would think, "Gosh, he's right. I don't want to go to hell so I'd better not vote for this bill." Because I'm pretty sure that these MPs don't share Mr Skinner's spirituality and an email is hardly going to change that. In fact, some MPs commented that receiving this email made them even more determined to vote FOR the bill.

Perhaps Mr Skinner felt it was his duty to warn the MPs – he alludes to his own spiritual journey in the article ("I would like to think I would get to heaven one day, but you don't fall into heaven, you climb up – you've got to do things that are unpleasant sometimes.") I agree that as part of the Church it is part of our job to warn people – but there are ways of doing this and in my experience, telling people they will "burn in hell" isn't the most effective way to engage people in spiritual discussions. As Archbishop Dew says in this article, "We try and say whatever is done should be done in charity, and so using language which is inflammatory is not charitable language, not a part of who we are as gospel people."

I think what really bugs me about Arthur Skinner and his emails is the very judgemental tone to them. To say that homosexuality is crying out for 'heaven's vengeance' – what does this mean? Does he mean that God is going to seek revenge on those who are homosexual? Surely our God is about forgiveness and yearning for relationship with His people – including sinners. And aren't we all sinners afterall?

And to say that people will burn in hell for all eternity.. surely the only one to judge this is God himself? And unless Mr Skinner equates himself with God, I can't see that he has any right to determine who will burn in hell and who will live in eternity with God.

Hi everyone,

Marty's been away for the past month or so travelling through Europe. He apologises for the lack of posts – attempts were made to post (in vain), and time was at a premium. One thing Marty discovered on his travels is that, no matter where one happens to be, all parishes have the same (or similar) groups of people. To give you a non-exhaustive list:

1. The female bossy-boots

This woman usually hands out the newsletter at the door, reads an epistle, distributes Holy Communion, helps with the collection (optional), and reads a notice at the end of Mass. She does all this in the name of increased lay involvement.

2. The over-enthusiastic cantor

You know the type – singing too loudly (with a microphone), arms flailing in some indecipherable and arcane semaphore whenever the congregation is to sing; drawing attention to the cantor rather than to anything else…

3. The noisy usher

One who is determined that everyone will manage to get a seat, especially if it means interrupting the reading/chanting of Gospel.

4. The inappropriate old-time folksy group

The setting is irrelevant, these folks will ensure your experience is as disjointed as possible.

5a. The browbeaten cleric

He wants to celebrate the liturgy well, but finds it a real trial. Often a saintly man.

5b. The presider cleric

It is all about him, his smile, his jokes…often a popular man.

Did my title intrigue you?  If it did, I have some bad news – I can't actually attest to having a fool proof list of dating secrets.  In fact, I just got back onto the dating scene for a short while, so I can't even claim to be any expert at all.  So why a post on the secrets to dating?  Apart from the fact that the extrovert in me really just wanted to let the BF (Being Frank) community know that I have a bf (boyfriend), I also wanted to highlight some of the things my current boyfriend and I thought would be good and holy foundations for beginning a relationship, and maybe spark some comments about how others have gone about in the dating scene..

During our relationship, we have both been challenged and blessed by different opportunities to grow in holiness.  I'm one of those people who realize things very slowly, but I've been given the graces to learn very quickly what helps make a romantic relationship stronger and more aligned to God's will.

So, here are a few things (in no particular order) that we have decided to do to make our relationship holy, pure, and still exciting.

1. Offerring up Mass for our relationship.  We don't have a chance to attend daily Mass together, so offerring up the Mass has been a great way to unite ourselves with the graces we individually receive in the Mass.  When we do attend Mass together, I love holding his hand in the Our Father, and meaning it when I give him the sign of peace.
2. Praying the Rosary daily.  My boyfriend has a great devotion to Our Lady.  On the other hand, I often struggle to pass over one decade a month.  For our first date, my boyfriend and I said a Rosary together as a way of consecrating ourselves to Our Blessed Mother.  So now, we are both praying a Rosary for the intention of doing God's will in our relationship, knowing that Our Lady is constantly praying to Jesus for us.
3. Sharing the Cost of Dates.  Once, my boyfriend was really stressed out because of his uni assignments.  His budget is pretty tight, and I felt he just needed some time out to stop worrying about money and life.  Shouting us dinner was a great way to strengthen our relationship and take away the burden on him having to pay for everything when he knows money doesn't grow on trees.  Sometimes it's good for the woman to treat her man!
4. Creating your own litany of Saints.  My boyfriend once told me he had his own personal litany of Saints, and we thought it was important that we turn to a group of Saints to help us in our relationship.  Our list includes St Raphael, St Maria Goretti, and Blessed Pier Giorgio Frasatti.  I like to add St Joseph and St Catherine of Sienna in my own litany too.  It's awesome knowing that these Saints are close to Christ, and through their intercession, they can bring our relationship before God.
5. Praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet.  Our relationship has stumbling blocks, and there are times when we have not loved each other as Christ loves us.  Rather than dwelling on it and getting all emo about it, we've learnt to trust in Jesus and ask for his Divine Mercy.  
6. Confession.  Relatively a no-brainer here.  If I'm not going back to God in humility in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, I know I will carry my sins and their consequences into the relationship.  
7. Planning Dates.  If my boyfriend and I have nothing to do, it's very likely that we will just get caught up in the physical aspect of our relationship.  We are both very affectionate people, so having planned dates has been a good idea for us.  Planning doesn't mean scheduling every minute of our date, but it does mean having a general idea of what we will be doing together so we aren't tempted to make the physical stuff a priority.
8. Personal Prayer Time.  I know that if I'm not having coffee dates with Jesus regularly, I will begin to idolise my boyfriend and make him Lord of my life.  A regular prayer time has to be daily.
9. Adoration Dates.  Why not spend time with your date in Heaven on earth?  I love sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament for a Holy Hour – right before Jesus and with Him, all of Heaven – with my boyfriend.  I know he's praying for me, and I am praying for him.   

So that's some of the secrets.  I'd love to hear your secrets to dating, especially from those who are already married (since you have already passed the dating test!).

Blessings for the rest of your week everybody!

Sorry this is coming in late in the day – technical issues at this end and we’ve just got the internet back at our place!

I don’t feel like I warrant a legitimate place as a BF-er if I blog about the same topic several weeks in a row. But here I go…

Since getting back from the Worldwide Billings Ovulation Method conference (and missing a week of BF posting by pure forgetfulness), I have absolutely floored to say the least by the positive responses I am receiving about Billings.

I guess I had this notion that people, including friends, would scoff at the idea – say “That’s nice, for you and all you Catholic folk…but we, less backward sort, we don’t need your ‘natural methods’ and laa dii daa…”

Boy was I wrong. Every single person I’ve spoken to, from friends on the touch rugby field, to colleagues in the office, from internationals to locals, from the elite to the underprivileged, the response has been positive. And not only as a way to avoid pregnancy, but especially as a way to monitor reproductive health, and to achieve pregnancy.

What I’ve realized is that

- there’s nothing socially just about promoting a natural method that isn’t highly reliable (and that’s what some people now do, naming no names), in the name of ‘statistics’ and ‘it’s a numbers game’. I’m sorry, if I’m a woman relying on a method and as a couple we decide it is truly not prudent to bring life into the world right now, I need something reliable. Dumbing down and compromising on science for the sake of increased coverage does not work for me…

- I haven’t yet spoken to a woman who thinks the Pill is the most brilliant invention ever. Every…single…woman I have spoken to, and ok, not a lot, but women of a wide spectrum of cultural and moral values…none have yet to say “Yes, I was on the Pill, and I loved it…” They all show reservations, they all say “I was on it for this long…(pause) but I don’t like being on the Pill…”

- The heartache for woman who have borne the burden of contraception all their married lives is very real. We’re not talking ‘sexually liberated’ ‘I’ll do whatever I want’ types, but simply women who are trying to do the best thing for their family. A lot of husbands, especially here, won’t have a bar of anything that makes the sexual experience awkward for them, never mind what impact the other alternatives have on their wife.

- Infertility and sub-fertility causes as much if not more anxiety than unexpected pregnancy and, while I don’t have the stats on hand, the levels of these are no less so in developing countries compared to the developed. Just the other day a woman told me “I wish I had known about Billings…my husband and I just separated over the fact that we’ve been unable to have children for many years.” If we’re all about ‘free-ing’ women and giving them the ‘choice’…but we give them the ‘choice’ to avoid pregnancy but don’t give them the free, empowering ‘choice’ to know their bodies enough to maximize the possibility of conception before turning to expensive, invasive and dragged out IVF cycles…where’s the social justice in that? Why should the anxiety of a couple needing to avoid pregnancy be any more important to settle (and contraception doesn’t really settle it…) than the anxiety of the couple that is desperate to conceive…? Why should the latter have to fork out piles of money when the former are being thrown ten different, artificial options everyday?

For many years I’ve always held firm to the Catholic teachings on why we have natural family planning etc etc…theology of the body…etc etc…and in a way it shouldn’t surprise me that when I get the privilege of starting to walk alongside women and they open up to you.

This is part of why I, sadly, hung up my Being Frank hat again this week. As the demand is growing where I am to teach and share the Billings Ovulation Method, I realize I can’t do it all. It has been a pleasure writing for Being Frank but I also know there are others who can give this more than I can. I think I’ll do a couple more weeks of blogging but in the meantime, pray for all those couples who are just struggling to find that life-giving, fruitful, loving answer to living out God’s plan for man and woman and the family…

I've keep noticing an attitude in our culture where it is "cool" to be an early adopter of something that catches on. Perhaps it is a song or artist that they discover just before it becomes popular. Maybe it is the hip and secret little cafe or restaurant tucked away in a part of town where patrons are rare. Some people are so keen on this that they comment "First" on social media posts and articles. 

I wonder if this happened in other cultures. Is it because we have a culture that says it doesn't like conformity? Then how come being first is only "cool" if the thing we are first to take up becomes popular? And why would we be concerned with being "cool" at all?

I wonder if the first disciples had any of this psychology at play. Being an early adopter of the actual Messiah must have been a pretty cool thing for a Jew to have claim to. We know they argued over their relative importance several times, it  says so in Scripture. Could that Jesus appeared to the women first have been a stumbling block for the other disciples? 

Ultimately, they put aside these earthly vainglories, along with the others, and became Saints great in the Kingdom of Heaven. 

P.S.:

I prayed for my spouse before I met them #hipster

I value human life before it is born #hipster

A few months back I blogged about the Pilgrim Statue of Fatima which I could remember visiting my school when I was a child. Teresina commented under my blog that she knew of a pilgrim statue in the Te Rapa parish in Hamilton and directed me to the website. Well… a few phone calls and a few months later we are lucky enough to have the statue with us at my school and parish.

We have the statue for the month of May and, while it is based at school, it is in great demand to go to parish homes and to be present at different group meetings. Those with a love of the Rosary and a devotion to Mary are really enjoying the opportunity of having this beautiful statue in their homes for an evening of prayer.

The statue comes with a little book that has been written in by all of those who have had it in their homes over the last 27 years and I thought I would share some of their comments with you.

"I received a great blessing this time. Thank you Mother Mary!" Cambridge, 1986

"Simple beauty touches us always." Raglan, 1986

"She brought peace to our home once again." Matamata, 1987

"The statue came to our home on the same day that Pope John Paul II prayed the Rosary on TV from Rome, starting the Marian Year for the whole world!" Rotorua, 1987

"Always here the week she is needed!" Rotorua, 1987

"We thank thee for the love and strength and many blessings you have bestowed upon our family." Cambridge, 1988

"Our Blessed Mother kept her promise. (name removed) died this morning Our Lady is waiting for him to come home for the last time. He was wearing his scapular – he had great devotion to Our Lady. Thank you Blessed Mother, thank you." Ngaruawhahia, 1988

"Your home, your family." Hamilton, 1988

"We have been greatly honoured, words can not explain. Thank you Dear Mother of God; thank you." Mt Maunganui, 1989

"What blessings you give, what comfort you bring." Mt Maunganui, 1989

"Humble thanks for your beautiful presence in our home. Many thanks for the graces and belssings received. Please come again Holy Mother, Our Mother." Te Puke, 1989

"Thank you for visiting me. I hope this will be a turning point in my life." Waihi, 1990

"Feast of the Immaculate Conception. Our Lady was honoured as people processed past the statue." Huntly, 1993

"Dearest Mother. No words can ever express how I felt having you in my heart and in my home at the passing of my dear mother. You are forever in my heart." Rotorua, 1994

"Dear Blessed Mary, today has been a sad day and a joyful day for Dad passed away suddenly this morning. Dad loved you with a deep devotion. Thank you Blessed Mother for being at our home during our time of sorrow." Cambridge, 1996

"Thank you for gracing this house with your presence, at a time when you are most needed. Miracles do happen. Great interest from non-Catholic friends to learn more about the Rosary." Ohaupo, 1996

"If you see the living image of the Mother of God with her critical messages of love and concern for all her children, then you will indeed get closer to being full of grace." Hamilton, 2000

"She came to heal those who were hurting. She brought smiles back, she brought family back, she brought our love and lives back. Thank you." Bay of Plenty, 2001

We are indeed blessed to have the pilgrim statue with us in our little part of the world. May she bring blessings to us all!

A couple of weeks ago, I started courting a wonderful young Catholic man.  Prior to being pursued, I had done a fair bit of reading about dating, courtship, and chaste relationships.  I thought I knew all there was to dating and walking the path to marriage.  But this week, I stumbled upon an excellent video on Marriage and Relationship by Fr Robert Barron.  It's a beautiful commentary on what makes for a long lasting relationship, both platonic and romantic.  This is my favourite line in the video:

"To get married in the Catholic Church, that's to say before God, what you're saying is, we've discerned that together we are in love with God, and we've discerned that God, for His purposes, has drawn us together…It's that God has for his purposes, drawn us together, so that we might find our salvation in each other's presence, and that together, we might fulfill a common mission." 

Maybe I'm more emotional than I admit to being, but I cried a little while listening to Fr Barron.  Needless to say, watching the video also made me realize that I have a lot to learn about what it takes to get married.  Listen to the holy man's wise words.  I'm sure you'll feel all warm and fuzzy, but perhaps also challenged to pursue true love with a transcendent third.